Coughing. That was the first thing I became aware of after I feel asleep. I was coughing, a lot. Apparently that was all I needed to wake up from my beauty sleep. When I opened my eyes I had a huge bandage on my right cheek and my two doctors, Nick and Shen Yao, surrounding my bed. I was laying in the post-op room two hours after my surgery had begun. Not going to lie, I was a bit out of it.
Yet even in this groggy state, I happily realized one thing: the pain was gone! That stupid pressurized puss blob on my face had been deflated and the process in doing it had not rendered me paralyzed!
Nick and Shen Yao asked me a few questions before walking away to discuss some other details. While they were gone, I tried to ask my nurse how the surgery went. Unfortunately, she couldn’t speak English and it just wasn’t the right time for me to say, “too expensive” in Chinese. So I resorted to a simple system of thumbs up, thumbs down and in the middle. Smiling, she gave me a thumbs up.
After a few more minutes they gave me the all clear and wheeled up to my VIP room where Linda and Luke sat waiting. I got off the stretcher and walked like a drunken fool over to my regular bed. I was feeling goooood.
I was also feeling paranoid. I really don’t know why but I was suddenly panicked that I had said something insulting or embarrassing during the surgery. I had heard that people talk under anesthesia and for some irrational reason I was sure that I had said something horrible. So I kept asking my doctors if I had talked during the surgery. Shen Yao looked really confused by my question and in trying to give me some sort of answer nodded her head and said yes.
I knew it!
Then Nick, whose English is a bit better and his soul a bit younger added, “Yes, you told us many secrets.”
I was mortified.
“No, no, I only kidding,” he said. “You did not say a thing.”
Isn’t there some sort of rule against picking on a person who just got out of surgery?
Satisfied by his answer, I decided to ask both him and Shen Yao how my surgery went.
Let me tell you, I did not gain any lady points by that procedure. Apparently the infection had been even worse and more disgusting than they had originally thought. As soon as they made the incision my infection and all of its glory started to pour out of my gland. They also mentioned that it had a rather rotten scent about it. You know it must have been good if even my experienced doctors were put off by it.
After they set up my IV and had antibiotics pumping through my system, Nick and Shen Yao said their goodnights and left. This was about the time Jessica walked in with another teacher from my school named Bao. They had both been in the “waiting room” watching the screen for updates on my surgery. I say, “waiting room” because what it really was, was an open-air shed outside of the hospital. You see, when a family wants to see what is going on with their loved one’s procedure, they go to this shed, sit on its plastic chairs and watch three screens. These screens say the names of patients preparing for surgery, undergoing surgery and the names of patients whose procedures have been completed. Apparently, my name never came up. Is it bad if a hospital is ashamed to have you as their patient?
When Jessica and Bao walked in the room, I noticed that there was another man with them. Turns out he was my boss, Mr. Shen. Really, I couldn’t think of a more fantastic way for the two of us to meet. Wait, I can.
Luckily, Mr. Shen turned out to be a really nice guy. Since Luke, Linda, Jessica and Bao had all been at the hospital for so long without having anything to eat, he offered to stay and watch over while they ran to grab some food.
So when the others left the hospital for a well-deserved break, I in my goofy state thought that this would be a most excellent time to try to make a good impression on my boss. First impressions are most important, after all. So I started to try to make small talk with him. I asked him about the weather, how long he had lived in Hangzhou and other super exciting topics.
Not so surprisingly, Mr. Shen didn’t really know how to respond to this situation. Here I was, cracked out on antibiotics and sporting a cheek bandage and the poor guy was being forced to partake in awkward small talk. Thankfully, the stars aligned and I feel asleep in the middle of our conversation. I make great first impressions.
After that, I only woke up for the few times when the nurses came in to switch out my antibiotics. The night was a bit of blur but I remember enough to know that when the others got back and prepared to leave, Jessica stayed behind to spend the night and Bao stayed until 1:30 in the morning to make sure that nothing bad happened with my first round of antibiotics. What did I tell you about having an awesome community here?
The next morning was the start of what would become my regular schedule for the next five days. A woman came in at 6 a.m. to give me my soupy rice bowl for breakfast. Then at around 6:15 a nurse came in to give me my TCM (Traditional Chinese Medicine) which came in the form of four skittle-like green pills and one white pill. To this day, I still do not know what these things are actually called. After a lost-in translation moment that resulted in my not taking the pills, I did manage to find out that they’re supposed to help with swelling. Then the nurse started me up on the first of that day’s four IV bags of antibiotics and had me do a breathing treatment for that cough I mentioned at the beginning of this post.
Did I mention that I managed to screw up the breathing treatment as well? I thought I was supposed to use my mouth to breath in and out of a tube that was connected to my medication. After my first 15 minutes stint of this though, the nurse corrected me and told me that it was actually supposed to breath in through the mouth and out through the nose.
“Like smoking,” she said.
Probably not the healthiest way to teach someone how to do their treatment but I guess it got the message across.
Around 7 a.m. Nick and Shen Yao came in to check on my gland. They hadn’t been able to get all of the infection out because it had entangled itself so much in my cheek’s tissue. So they told me that they would have to irrigate it twice a day with sodium chloride to get the rest out. While I was feeling fine then, the irrigation procedure brought me back to my pre-surgery days of unpleasant facial sensations.
They pumped my gland full of the solution and then squeezed and pressed on my cheek to try to clear it out. Let’s just say that that area was particularly tender. Oh, and this is how I learned that the Chinese are still fearful of experiencing another Opium Wars. Because I did this all without any pain medication. My doctors said that in China, because of its history with drug addiction, medical professionals are extremely hesitant to give any patients hardcore pain killers.
Adding to this whole ordeal was the fact that the first few times the procedure was carried out was done in front of all of those curious interns I mentioned in my first post. I was the monkey in a circus.
After the horrible irrigation was carried out, I was given a pair of the hospital’s swanky PJs. What I’m about to say is in no way politically correct but guys, they looked like holocaust PJs. Honestly, they had white and blue stripes and had clearly seen better days. But of course, I put them on anyways.
A few hours in my new PJs had passed when Jessica and I got our first visitor, Peter. He made it a point to come in and see me every day I was in the hospital. On that first day, he surprised me by bringing in the camera he had used to take a picture of my pre-surgery self with. I guess he had asked some of the doctors to take a picture of my surgery and was wondering if I wanted to see them.
“I heard it was pretty gross,” I said.
Laughing, Peter said, “Yeah, it really was.”
Again, does no one here know the rule about not making fun of a patient right out of surgery?
Well of course I wanted to see the pictures and Peter brought the camera over for me to take a look. I want you guys to talk to me again, so I’m not going to say the details. But I will say that I was shocked that my doctors were actually talking to me after being trapped with my gland for two whole hours.
After the pictures, Peter gave me a pep talk and told me not to act like a patient in the hospital. He wanted me to get up and walk around as much as possible and to try to forget about the fact that I had a massive bandage on my face.
When he left Jessica and I took his advice to heart. We got up and went for a little walk. Needless to say, that whole experience felt like the walk of shame because everyone was looking at us. I have to admit, the hospital isn’t exactly where would you expect to see westerners. Especially westerners as patients. But we just laughed about the whole thing and even went outside for a bit. It was not as strange as you think. It felt like all of the hospital’s patients went outside. It was our own little PJ party.
After our walk we went back to my room and discovered two very important things: hospitals in China do not supply their patients with soap or toilet paper. We immediately made a phone call to our teacher friends at school and told them to bring some supplies with them when they came for their visit that afternoon.
When the group finally arrived, they brought with them yet another surprise in the form of yet another boss. Thankfully, my goofiness had worn off a bit and I didn’t make a fool of myself. The deputy principal (whose name I cannot remember) was extremely friendly and presented me with a beautiful bouquet of flowers and a card from the school. There was even a rumor that the principal himself was going to come and say hello. Thankfully for all of us involved, that awkward encounter never did fully bloom.
I was also given a cactus by Luke, Linda and Jessica. He is now named, Eugene.
The next few days were full of friendly visits from my friends at school and even from my friend Georger’s Mom! When she came in, she brought with her some tea and milk as gifts! Maybe there is something to this surgery thing. Don’t worry, I have no intention of picking up some freak bacteria again.
I even made some friends with the nurses on our floor. They would laugh with me when I tried to speak Chinese and at me when I had to get yet another IV needle inserted into a new part of my arm (five in total). I found nothing humorous about that last part.
The only major downside was that silly irrigation process. It really did hurt and I swear to God Shen Yao pressed harder and harder each day. We got into our little routine of she and Nick walking in, making small talk and then of them both working through my tears and shakes.
It was during one of these cleanings that Peter became one of my favorite people in the whole world. He came in for his daily chat and saw me upset by the pain. He tried to talk to me but I was too busy feeling sorry for myself and only gave him nods. He immediately told Shen Yao to stop the procedure and to give me some pain medication.
God bless the American healthcare system!
Clearly Shen Yao wasn’t too thrilled about this but she and Nick stopped what they were doing and waited for me to get a small dose of morphine. It was only a bit, but it made all of the difference. The pain was suddenly transformed from a sharp jab to a more muted, heavy pain.
Thus became my life at the hospital. Chatting with my doctors and nurses, getting two cleanings a day and pumping my veins full of medication. By the fifth night though, I was starting to feel like a dog. I would get so excited whenever anyone came to visit me, would go for regular walks and was otherwise sleeping in my bed. Bow-wow it was boring.
Jessica and Linda did a great job though, of taking turns spending the night and entertaining me. Linda and I would play cards and Jessica would bring in some of her swanky films. Oh, and we also ordered pizza. The service in China is so nice that they even brought it into the hospital and up to my room. Good times.
Finally, on the sixth day, my doctors said that I could go home as long as I came in every day for at least one irrigation procedure. I quickly agreed to their terms.
Jessica was with me and we were both so excited that we blasted, “Shout,” from my computer and had ourselves a little dance party. This caused quite the commotion and many of the Chinese patients on my floor peaked their heads out of their rooms to see what was going on.
I’m sure seeing the two of us jumping around was quite the sight to see. One guy even pulled out his phone to record us. We probably should’ve stopped then but we were too excited and kept on groovin’.
What I loved most about the end of that hospital stay was that it made me realize just how many nice people I had been surrounded by. Nick and Peter gave me their emails in case I ran into any trouble in the city. My nurse Daisy (who also happens to be 22) gave me her phone number and made plans with me to hang out with me later. Shen Yao really took me by surprise when she invited me, Linda and Jessica to all hang out. We’ve since met up with her and her family twice. Once at the silk market and once at a traditional Chinese tea ceremony. They bought us lunch both times.
It was a great ending to my horrible beginning at Sir Run.
Oh, and you want to know that best part about this whole thing? Everything, my surgery, my room, my morphine, the antibiotics, everything only cost $1500.00. Even me and my broke, post-college self can afford to pay that bill!
End Part Two
Things to look forward to:
-Squirrels in China
-Using my wound to get a taxi cab ride
-Explanation of my students
-Our military censorship in a restaurant
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